Abandoning Habits and Embracing Routines Instead
In case you don’t know this about me, let me clue you in on something: I’m somewhat of a productivity nerd. It’s always been part of my DNA to get things done as efficiently as possible. I think I’m this way for three reasons.
It is a learned behavior. My mom was a school teacher, and my dad was a Lt. Colonel in the Air Force.. Enough said.
Self-preservation to conserve energy and maximize performance. Being born with a physical disability meant I had to learn how to get more done with less from a young age.
I happen to enjoy it.
A few years ago, habit formation became very popular in the productivity world. It was spurred mainly by books by Charles Duhigg and James Clear. I’ve read Duhigg’s book, but only half of Clear’s. By the end of this post, you should understand why I didn’t finish Clear’s Atomic Habits.
On the surface, I find the topic of habits and habit formation fascinating. Primarily because of the way habits connect with the workings of the brain—neural pathways, conscious and subconscious cognition, memory formation and function, etc. By understanding the brain better, and how it works, the possibility of short-circuiting and maximizing productivity through habits can result in tangible results of self-improvement.
Sounds great, right?
Then why do I struggle with following a habit routine so damn much? I have tried multiple apps, notebooks, and habit-tracking tools. I have experimented with different kinds of habits: healthy habits, creative habits, and household chore habits. I’ve set high bars for tracking things I know I won’t like to do, like drinking a certain amount of water every day, to super simple tasks like taking my blood pressure medication, which, by the way, should be a slam dunk because I’ll know I’ll do it regardless of “tracking” it as a habit.
Still, nothing I have tried has stuck long term. I’ll start hot and heavy for the first week to 10-days and then splat— I’ll miss a couple of days and then say “fuck it” to the whole thing. Quitting can be a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it is elating— the relief of letting go. On the other hand, it is incredibly disappointing— the feelings of failure and ineptitude can become overwhelming. It all leads to the same age-old question: is there something wrong with me?
Recently, I watched a video by YouTuber Elizabeth Filips, where she lays out a defense for herself and others for whom habits aren’t part of productivity. In the video, she explains how she leans into a results-based workflow. Instead of focused, sustained, minor improvements over time, she operates more like a sprinter and a crammer. She describers herself as the student in school who procrastinated until the last minute and still aced exams.
I resonated with that video because I feel like she is describing a lot of how I think of myself. While I was never the student who could slack on studying and still ace the exam, I am someone who has a hard time sticking to a long-term plan through slow and consistent iteration. And as much as I don’t try to intentionally procrastinate, I can achieve a higher level of performance by pushing deliverables right up until their expected deadline. In short, it was reassuring to hear from someone explain why they hate habits as much as I do.
So I guess maybe there isn’t something wrong with me, after all.
Not All Habits Are The Same
When it comes to habit formation, there are two different types. One type is so simple and instinctual that you don’t even have to think about doing them. They are actions like reaching for your seat belt as soon as you close your car door or putting the cap on the toothpaste tube after you squeeze some out. You don’t think about these things—you just do them.
The second type, and the one at the core of the habit-formation practice, involves actions you want to bring into your life that don’t already exist in a specific or consistent way. These are habits like eating more vegetables every day or making your bed as soon as you get up. They take effort because they involve actions that may not come naturally, even if you know they’re “good” for you.
I believe there must be intrinsic motivation or deterrence for someone to build this second type of habit. There has to be some kind of payoff. In the habit loop, there’s a “reward” stage—the payoff. The key is figuring out what that reward needs to be to sustain the practice of building the habit. The ultimate goal is for the action to become so easy that it becomes, wait for it… habitual.
In the productivity and self-help world, the holy grail is for all our desired habits to become habitual. This is the short-circuiting magic I mentioned earlier. But unfortunately, this approach doesn’t work for everyone. It doesn’t work for Ms. Filips, and it certainly doesn’t work for me.
That’s why, in recent years, I’ve made an intentional choice to stop shaming myself into following a prescribed set of habits. Instead, I’ve embraced the natural rhythm of my life through routines.
Routines For The Win
Even before watching Ms. Filips video, I had started rethinking how, if at all, habits could fit into my daily life. I reflected on how I could lean into my naturally consistent daily and weekly actions and convert them into results-driven successes and increased productivity. Enter routines.
To begin this process, I started tracking my time. I wrote down what I did every day and how long each task took. Over time, I noticed patterns and routines emerging. Every weekday started like this:
Wake up mid-morning (I’m not an early riser) and walk Alton right away.
Come home and do two to three chores before lunch, as that’s when I have the most physical energy.
Have lunch.
Head into my studio for three to four hours of work.
Take Alton on his afternoon walk around 4 p.m.
Finish up in the office and prep for dinner at 7.
Spend time with Drew from 7 to 10.
Get ready for bed.
Observing this daily chronology gave me a structure for optimal productivity. Knowing I’ll be too tired to do laundry in the afternoon motivates me to finish it early in the day. Accepting that my peak creative time is between 2 and 4 p.m. means I don’t even try to write a blog post at 11 a.m.
Of course, I have to stay flexible. Not every day can be the same. Meetings, appointments, or unexpected health issues can dictate how a day unfolds. I also schedule “errand days,” batching all my errands at once to save time, energy, and gas. However, that often means that by the time I get home, there’s little room for anything else on my to-do list.
Speaking of to-do lists, I rarely make them anymore unless I have more than three or four tasks to complete. Alternatively, I use them for things like shopping lists with multiple items. For the same reasons I stopped forcing myself to follow habits, I no longer let a to-do list dictate my day—or how I feel about my day.
Letting Go of the Productivity Shame Cycle
I believe there’s a dark side embedded in many productivity methods, tools, and techniques—a cycle I call the “shame cycle.” For example, every time a new, shiny productivity tool doesn’t deliver the promised results, my inner dialogue kicks in: What is wrong with me? Why won’t this work for me? I don’t have any discipline. Instead of thinking, Hey, this might be a good tool, but it just doesn’t work for me, and that’s okay, I would spiral into self-criticism.
The fact is, there’s nothing wrong with me. We’re all individuals, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to productivity. Elizabeth Filips found her answers by reflecting on the kind of student she was in high school and reapplying those techniques in her adult life. I’ve learned to let go of habits and embrace routines instead.
For me, the turning point came from asking myself the tough questions and trusting myself enough to own the truth. That insight gave me the freedom to figure out what works for me. Now, I’m more productive and happier than I ever was when I tried to force myself into a life of habits I hated. Living with that level of internal resentment is exhausting. Letting go and focusing on what actually achieves results has been far more liberating and productive than I could have anticipated.
Conclusion: Embracing Routines Over Habits
Routines have become my lifeline to productivity and peace. They’re flexible, adaptable, and tailored to how I naturally function. By focusing on the rhythm of my day instead of forcing habits that don’t align with my needs, I’ve found a way to stay accountable and fulfilled without the shame or frustration of constant failure.
If you’re someone who struggles with habits, maybe routines could work for you too. Take a moment to reflect on what feels natural in your life. What are the daily patterns you already follow? How can you build on them to create sustainable productivity without the guilt of unmet expectations? You might find, as I did, that routines are the answer you’ve been searching for.
