MWF Seeking BFF: Good (local) Girlfriends are Hard to Find

I’ve moved around the country a lot. From the Midwest to the South and now to the West, I’ve approached each move with a sense of fun, adventure, and new beginnings. And I’ve done them all without having a tight group of girlfriends along the way. Sure, I have a best friend from high school, and I make friends pretty quickly in new environments, whether it’s school or work. But the whole BFF thing? Me? Nah. I’ve typically been fine flying solo.

Until now. Having lived in California for five years, I’m still struggling to make some long-lasting connections. It didn’t help that, until recently, I wasn’t working outside of the home. To make up for that, I joined various social groups through Meetup.com. I did meet some great ladies, but no one I could call up to “just hang.”

Finding girlfriends you really click with is hard. I know it’s not just me. I’ve read other blog posts from women my age who have struggled with this too. And I guess I’m getting to the point where I’m tired of trying so hard to make a friend that I end up settling. That’s why it was so refreshing and reassuring to read Rachel Bertsche’s *MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search for a New Best Friend*. Like me, she was a transplant to a new city, and she so perfectly articulated the challenges and awkwardness of meeting up with women in adulthood. Making friends as an adult is not the same as it was in high school or even college.

I know I’m not perfect, but is it wrong to have standards for someone with whom you’ll share your life? I understand that sounds very romantic, but really, when you think about it, trying to make a new girlfriend connection isn’t unlike dating itself. Take out the sexual chemistry factor, and all the other elements are still there—trust, communication, personality, intellect, sense of humor.

For example, I had a friend over recently, and we got to talking about household budgeting. She shared that she and her husband are trying to get their finances under control, but because of excessive eating out, they’re still spending $3,000 a month on food! Compare that to the $300 a month my husband and I spend, and all I could think in my head was, *WTH, how do you spend three grand on food?* Of course, I couldn’t say that out loud, which led to a whole other feeling of distance and awkwardness.

I have three best girlfriends, but they all live in other states. While we’re not clones of each other by any means, we definitely “get” each other. It’s so fun, so easy, and such a blessing. I just wish I had a little bit of that within my own zip code.

After reading her book, I took these three pieces of advice from Bertsche.

1. Initiate Social Interactions: Bertsche emphasizes the importance of taking the initiative to meet new people. She suggests being proactive by inviting potential friends to events or activities, rather than waiting for invitations. 

2. Embrace Vulnerability: Building meaningful connections requires openness. Bertsche advises being willing to share personal experiences and feelings, which can foster deeper bonds and trust between individuals.

3. Explore Diverse Social Settings: To meet a variety of people, Bertsche recommends participating in different social activities, such as joining clubs, attending workshops, or even using friend-dating platforms. This approach increases the chances of finding individuals with shared interests. 

I’ll do my best to do better at these strategies, in hopes of developing some deeper friendships.