He looks up at you with those big brown soulful eyes and the feathery golden ears. And just when he cocks his head in response to your question, you can’t help but wonder what he is thinking. If only our dogs could talk.

I’ve been wondering this about our 4-year-old golden retriever, Alton, from the day I first held him at four weeks of age. Even though he can’t speak in words, the blessing of our bond has been learning to understand what he is thinking and feeling in the absence of verbal communication. It is a trust we have built. Sacred, unspoken promises of care of and loyalty to each other that transcend many other relationships one can have with other pets or people.

As a disabled couple my husband, Andrew and I, decided to explore a career for Alton as our service dog. We didn't make this decision lightly. Service dog training is a big commitment, both of time and money. And while some puppies show a predisposition for doing service work, becoming a full working dog isn't a guaranteed outcome. We were willing to try though, because we knew all along that first and foremost we felt Alton to be a member of our family, and we would (and do) love him unconditionally, even if he couldn't become a service dog.

Being members of the disabled community we had more than average exposure to working service dogs, and yet, we knew very little about the process of raising, training and partnering with a service dog. We have been dog owners for years, but always just as family pets. Dogs who we tried our best to raise into good doggy citizens, but they were simply domestic dogs, pets, in every sense of the word. Our love for our dogs has always been unconditional; but there was no expectation of a defined role for our dogs outside of being a pet.

The politics of service dogs is complex and we knew that to meet the requirements of the laws regarding what a service dog is, and isn't, we had much to learn and train. We understand that there is some controversy surrounding the idea of owner-trained a service dogs. Some experts in the field believe that service dogs should only come from professional organizations such as Guide Dogs For The Blind or Canine Companions International.

However, there is another group of people, mostly disabled individuals themselves, who believe that there is an alternate path for successful outcomes through owner-trained service dogs. Fortunately the Americans with Disabilities Act does not differentiate between owner-trained and organization-trained dogs. At the end of the day this seems like a good thing to us. The same standards of compliance are applied to all service dogs regardless if they come from a non-profits or are owner-trained.

Service dog training is hard work!

Alton’s early training went well. His personality and temperament are both very much what you want to see in a service dog. He is extremely friendly and shows no aggression or territorialism. The first task he ever performed was picking up an envelope in his mouth and handing it to me right away with no prior cue or command. To this day, “pick ups” remain his favorite and easiest task.

On command, he will proudly hand us dropped cell phones, remote controls, pieces of paper, and even credit cards!

As the weeks of training, progressed, however, challenges presented themselves. Some of these challenges were the result of us being inexperienced trainers. While others seemed rooted in his health and personality. He went through fear periods during which loud noises such as garbage trucks, or shopping carts, would startle him. But other sounds like gas leaf blowers and sirens didn’t seem to phase him. The unpredictability of how he would react to different encounters while doing public access training was a challenge. Once a dog becomes fearful of something, it is an additional training hurdle to overcome.

As Alton matured he also learned how to use his voice. He can sit and intently watch a squirrel or a cat from a distance in our back yard. But if he sees one out on his walk and wants to go chase or play with it, he will bark, letting you know it. He is a very happy dog and likes to play. But not all situations (especially when in public) are appropriate for play. His dog distraction continues to be something we work on. The unpredictability of his demand barking also made our public access work more difficult.

The high points were, of course, when he would struggle with a task and we’d work it over and over until he finally would “get it.” His face would light up with a smile and his tail would wag with a pride of “see mom and dad, I did it!” He loves to make us happy.

Unfortunately, unexpected health problems appear

In many ways Alton was a healthy puppy. The one area that he has struggled, however, has been his gastro-intestinal health. In the early periods before an accurate diagnosis he would have stomach upset and bile vomiting. On days he was feeling well we could train and make good progress. But on days he wasn’t feeling well it was hard to motivate him at all.

The stomach issues progressed to the point where we finally made the decision to have him undergo an endoscopy. It revealed minor ulcers and a diagnosis of irritable bowel syndrome. Unfortunately the condition has no real cure. We manage it with medication and a special diet. Thankfully today he is doing much better.

In learning of his chronic health condition, Andrew and I made the difficult decision to stop doing service dog specific training with Alton. The industry calls this "career changing." Even when we embarked on this journey with Alton, we were always clear that the end result would be an unknown. But regardless of what happened, we loved and accepted Alton as our pet and “fur son” 100 percent.

It is important to Andrew and I that Alton, and any other dogs we may own one day, be good "doggie citizens." That they follow basic commands and are pleasant not only in our company but other people's as well. What we learned through the service-dog training, however, definitely took our understanding of the human/canine relationship to the next level. Even though Alton didn't end up being our service dog, I am so grateful for those early months of training. As much of time, money and effort as they were.

I think all dogs are smarter than we give them credit for. And Golden Retriever's in particular, love to please. The fact that we are just as much "his people" as he is "our fur son" shows a relationship of mutual love, affection, loyalty and service. For which I am incredibly grateful.