It's About Mindset, Not Positive Thinking

So I wrote a few weeks ago about joining a Success Team. One of the things that Barbara Sher, founder of the Success Team model, would say when leading her groups was: "You aren't going to "positive attitude" your way through anything." Particularly a big goal or project, because they span too much time to expect that you will feel the same way for that long, positive or not. It is just not how human behavior works.

How liberating this is to hear! That I don't have to "be positive" as a precondition to achieving my goals, no matter what they are. Like right now, I am not particularly having the best day. I woke up with my eye being unhappy with me, the house is a mess, and I don't particularly feel like writing right now. But I committed myself to finish this blog post today. I think all too often, people get hung up on the idea that they have to have a certain mood, especially a good mood, to do the damn thing. When really, you just simply have to do the damn thing!

This is just one example of reframing-- confronting a problem or a challenge from a different perspective. There can be a.lot of power in strategically reframing how you think about something. Sometimes we humans are our own worst enemy. We over-analyze, second-guess, struggle with imposter syndrome, and self-esteem issues. These are just a few roadblocks that we put on our paths of progress.

Reframing is commonly used in what I've come to understand is design thinking. A friend in my success team recently told me about the book: Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life. It is written by two Stanford Professors, Bill Burnett, and Dave Evans, who teach an elective course to college students on helping them figure out what they want to do with their lives. They introduce the students to different lessons and exercises that help determine what kinds of career fields or jobs will fulfill their true passions and interests. How cool is that?

After reading the book, I realize that I have been a design thinker most of my life without even realizing it. Because of my disability, I've learned how to problem solve quickly in virtually all areas of my life. If I need a solution to something, it is probably pretty important to my independence, safety, or happiness, all things I value very much. So I am going to keep searching for that perfect solution until I find it. And perfect rarely is discovered on the first try.

But sometimes, the problems I am trying to solve are more mental and emotional. These can be harder because they are connected to fear, anxiety or self-doubt. For solutions to these kinds of problems, I have found that cognitive behavior therapy has been very effective in helping me find the right mindset.

I've been exposed to cognitive behavior through my work with the Fear of Flying Clinic, the non-profit that I am on the Board of, and I am a former client. I'm not a therapist, but the way I think about cognitive behavior is that it retrains your brain to think differently about something. And perhaps more importantly, how you think about something will tell you how to feel about it. So for me, with flying, for example, if I think a scary thought about flying, like the plane will crash, that thought will make me feel scared. So for me, cognitive behavior is really about connecting the dots of what you are thinking to how you are feeling. And if you repeatedly think a certain way about something and back it up with feelings, soon you begin to believe it, whether true or not. Once you learn how to harness the power of that connection, you can start to reframe the way you think (and by extension, feel, react, process) so many experiences in your life.

I follow a small handful of creative entrepreneurs on social media. People who are doing awesome and creative things. They are living their passions, and they inspire me to want to live mine. Rarely though, do they ever pull the curtain back to show you their "behind the scenes." The messes, the failures, the really bad days. The days where they showed up and did the damn thing even when they didn't want to. Yet, you and I both know they had those days. They had to. That is just a part of life. Yet somehow, they have figured out how to adjust their mindset and keep going. Of course, part of this equation comes down to having discipline. The ability to follow through on what you say you will do, even if that obligation is only to yourself. But I contend that even before you address the step of discipline, you have to have your head in the game. You have to have the right mindset.

I know this because doing big things isn't something entirely new to me. Some of my more significant accomplishments include graduating from high school and college with honors, moving all over the country by myself, and helping to manage a home remodel with the hubs, just to name a few. It's just for the first time in my life I am doing things that only I expect of myself. It's a whole new realm of accountability. One that requires a mindset I've never needed before. Yes, those other accomplishments were things I wanted to do, but they were bigger than myself. They involved teachers, family, employers, etc. But with the projects I am pursuing now, it really just is all on me. So my mindset has to be on point. It has to rise to the level of my expectations. And in some ways, that is even harder than discipline and accountability.

Mindset sets the table.

I would be remiss if I didn't close by saying that I sincerely appreciate the support of all my friends, family, and those on social media who consume my content. Knowing they are there to cheer me on and give me feedback is definitely a motivating force that helps keep me going. But at the end of the day, I'm the one sitting at the keyboard. Having a mindset framed around specific action and not fleeting moods helps set my strategy, make a plan, and just do the damn thing. It helps ensure that no matter how I might be feeling on a particular day, I will make progress on my dreams regardless of my mood or attitude. Attitudes come and go. But diamonds are forever.