MWF Seeking BFF: Good (local) Girlfriends are Hard to Find

I've moved around the country a lot. From across the midwest, down to the south, and now to the west, I've looked to each move with fun, adventure, and new beginnings. And I did them all without having a tight group of girlfriends along the way. Sure, I have a best friend from high school, and I make friends pretty quickly in new environments, school, or work. But the whole BFF thing? Me, Nah. I've typically been fine flying solo.

Until now-- having lived in California now for five years, I'm still struggling to make some long-lasting connections. It didn't help that until recently, I wasn't working outside of the home. But to make up for that, I joined various social groups through Meet-up.com, where I did meet some great ladies, but no one who comes over to "just hang."

Finding girlfriends who you really click with is hard. I know it's not just me. I've read other blog posts of women my age who have struggled as well. And I guess I am getting to the point of being tired of trying so hard to make a friend that I find that I am settling. It was so refreshing and reassuring to read Rachel Bertsche’s MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search for a New Best Friend. She, like me, was a transplant to a new city. She so perfectly articulated the challenges and awkwardness of meeting up with women in adulthood. Making friends is not the same as it was in high school, or even college.

I know I am not perfect, but is it wrong to have a standard for someone with whom you will share your life? I understand what sounded very romantic, but really, when you think about it, trying to make a new girlfriend connection isn't unlike dating itself. Take out the sexual chemistry factor, and all the other elements are still there—trust, communication, personality, intellect, sense of humor.

For example, I had a friend over recently, and we got to talking about household budgeting. She shared that she and her husband are trying to get their finances under control, but because of excessive eating out, they are still spending $3,000 a month on food! Compare that to the $300 a month my husband, and I spend, and all I was left to think in my head was, "WTH, how do you spend three grand on food?" But of course, I couldn't say that, which led to a whole other feeling of distance and awkwardness.

I have three best girlfriends, but they all live in other states. While we aren't clones of each other by any means, we definitely "get" each other. It's so fun, so easy, and such a blessing. I wish I just had a little bit of that within my own zip code.